I have a dream... Monday, September 21, 2009

...said once Martin Luther King jr., possible talking about on a dream he had a day before his historic speech (A dream with an entire speech ready for the next day.. You can't get luckier than that!!). I too had a dream last night. And since for a change this dream could be written and discussed publicly without attracting censorship, I decided to write about it.

Like the great Martin Luther's dream mine was too about liberation and equality, in a lesser domain nevertheless. My America was my office, and my blacks were my male colleagues. I dreamt of an office bustling with the most gorgeous females who had just recently switched from their boring and monotonous modeling careers to the ever so happening life the software industry offers. The dream soon ended (to my disappointment), but I was left with so much to think. Was it a message from the almighty? Was it an instruction to sex up my office?? Would productivity increase?? Why the hell is God so interested in where I work?? Does He buy shares of my company?? Did recession affect Him??As you can imagine, the questions started to enter nonsensical domains. I thankfully stopped questioning and started realizing the gross injustice us men have to face in this demanding industry .

The reason software engineers are the most eligible bachelors in matrimonial columns is wrongly attributed to their fat paychecks. It is actually the security of a happy marital life that is the big plus. For a wife, her husband being surrounded by the same gender all day long for years can ensure her that she's the most beautiful thing he'll be seeing all day. And given those nights when cable TV ain't working, She even might end up being the most beautiful woman he sees till the next evening. Our industry today faces a challenge of immense proportion. The dwindling sex ratio in the office place could have serious repercussions on our intellect. The biggest example being yours truly, who at this moment should have been inventing the next big Operating system after Windows instead of unleashing his rants through this illogical and should I say never-visited-by-except-if-you-are-a-google-search-indexer-bot blog. I strongly believe that instead of the cost cutting measures being taken by all major corporations around the globe, they should have improved the gender imbalances in offices. I can safely bet my ass on the fact that the percentage increase in productivity would dumb-found any analyst. We would be armed with one-liners far superior and failure proof than the standard (AND lousy) "Have I seen you somewhere" crap. Take this for example, this stunner is looking lost in the photocopy room and meddling with the copier like a kid with a time machine. You sweep in.. a geeky lookin superhero to her rescue, press the right buttons and in a fake (previously practiced) baritone.. say this, "I think the amorphous selenium coating on the photosynthetic drum need some refilling." Ladies & gentlemen.. we have a sure shot winner! A few days and a few Wikipedia searches later, You'l be sipping coffee with her. Not only does a innocuous conversation with a female out of your league give your ego and hence your efficiency a boost, it also surprises your manager with the excess time you start spending in office.

In a time when Women folk are so very much vehement in their demands for quotas and rights, we software engineers feel sorely left out. Such a furor on getting job reservations for government posts exclusively for women, and not a single letter of protest demanding similar reservations in the software sector..!!

Life indeed is unjust.

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