A quarter of a century of survival Thursday, November 12, 2009

I just returned from Delhi last month. Visiting my folks back home after a long time felt good. The long vacation ended with small family get-togther to celebrate mom-dad's 25th anniversary. And that's when I realized the significance of the event. It didn't take long before I started imagining how my 25th would look. I've imagined myself doing a whole lot of things I must admit, a wide range which includes romancing Jessica Alba to peeing on the Everest (on the China side, Nepalis are friends/good watchmen) to hitting Brett Lee for a six in the world cup final. All these imaginative masterpieces seemed very much possible when compared to the one I saw that evening. And when talks started of mom-dad's 50th anniversary, BOOM! The cloud over my head burst as I couldn't even imagine myself doing that.

At the current rate at which both, our attention span, and the beauty products industry is shrinking and growing respectively, silver jubilees like these would no longer be common. The shrinking attention span would make our spouses boring too soon and the beauty product industry growth would make us look good too soon, which would in turn give us hopes of attracting new talent once we get over our respective partners. The rare 25th anniversaries in that age would most certainly be met with a presidential citation and a possible Padmashri (only the citation for those who divorced and then patched up). A 50th anniversary however would be so rare that it would deserve a Nobel. The ironic nature of the Nobel peace prize is well known as it's named after the guy who invented Dynamite. If the Nobel committee people in sweden are listening, give it to the those who have gone through 50 years of Dynamite in their homes and survived to tell the tale of peaceful co-existence. Now that's an apt scenario for the prize,something even Alfred Nobel would've been proud of.

A misogamist I'm not. On the contrary I must state bluntly that regarding marriage- I'm all for it. It's an amazing medicine of love that everyone needs. It's just the lack of an expiry date to this medicine that worries me. Even the person you love the most has those habits which can truly irritate you to death. Once the honey moon period gets over, it is the slow death you are getting used to. To get rid of this fatal dosage which society has forced upon us, I propose an ideological shift. Do get married but also do: Say NO to the "saat janam" theory. Say NO to calling your husband/wife your "soulmate". Say NO to long term joint home loan repayments. And to give this blog post its sole sentence of sense, Say to NO to drugs as well while your at it. Make marriage the short term fling that all of us would remember and cherish forever.

Getting over your partner could prove tricky at times. But you got to believe in yourselves. You would have to shed your insecurities and fears of dying alone. At the current population expansion rate, Each individual would have like a billion people to choose from. Even someone unfortunate in the looks department like myself could find himself a decent looker. According to my estimates, on an average each one of us could marry roughly 5 times. Each of those 5 people would in turn marry 5 more, and so on. Now thats what I call real networking. SCREW YOU facebook/orkut/linkedin.

Like all revolutionary ideas all of this may sound a bit ahead of times. History tells me that visionaries like me have had to face the wrath of the society of their times, and I'm prepared. But as time will tell.........., one day, when it will be a ritual to assemble together in your dying years and rate the top 3 of your spouses, they all shall raise a toast..... to the man who envisioned it all.


sobhit said...

well dude 1st thing 1st.. belated wishes 2 uncel aunty 4 such a marvelous feat... kudos 2dem... u wnt realise n u wud b celebrating de 50th anniversy 2 man... as 4 ur revolutionary ideas... u desrve a noble 4dis my frnd.. i wud b glad 2 say dat noble prize winner is my frnd :P.. wot gr8 pride in tellin ppl i knw d noble prize winner in person :P... n d way u hv talkd abt beauty prodcts n all.. well done dude... baki saale mast calculation kari hai 5 shaadiyon ki. :P :P.... wah .... wah wah wah...

himanshu said...

this is one of your best works puneet so far....beleive me when i say that... as you very well know i am the only one who reads your blog. I feel you have a hidden message for somebody in this or i should say everybody.You have just told your hidden secret of marrying atleast 4 times..cause then only you will be able to choose the top 3.Seriously man think about it having beer in our balcony and rating our top 3 spouses will be fun.You really have spoken like a typical indian guy...u achtually want this to happen dude....u r just preparing people that if they meet u like 25 years later and u r in your 5th marraige then DONT BE SURPRISED...u will just show them this blog of yours and say 'thats what i said'...i really understand man...cause i am the only one who reads this crap and comments on it too.3 blogs 30rs aur comment marne ka kya rate decide hua tha??

Puneet said...

thanks guys.

@himanshu, do you really want to be paid such meager sums of 20s & 30s?? Let's add it to something respectable like say... a 1000 bucks :)
& dude your not the only one, I've enrolled another gud friend shobit to read this crap.

@shobit: I'm kidding, I won't pay anything to himanshu. please keep doing this for free :)

monica said...

Lolzz...an amazing guide to survive or rather short live the 'Saat janam Woes' :P
Living or rather tolerating each other for 25 years is an achievement in itself.
Another 25 surly deserves a Nobel prize.
The worryingly short attention span of our generation is a valid point. I had never really thought about it this way.

But while calculating this five marriage theory you forgot to take into account the Unhealthy sex ratio even in a metropolitan city like Delhi.
Where will you get the girls from??

A Nice read!

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