To whomsoever it may concern Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Relationships are tough. Long distance ones are tougher. But calling a break up suddenly isn't an option. A guy should have the decency to at least inform the girl, if he feels things are going bad. I know most guys don't do that. I did, and this is how:

Hi Pushpa, (name changed of course, she wouldn't want anyone in this world to know she's dating a moron like me)

This is to inform you that due to your continuous neglect of a mutual agreement both of us made on that fateful date of... ehh.. umm... which lies in the range of 2-10 September, I'm considering a buy out which involve me giving you a certain materialistic or a small financial token entity (not exceeding Rs 100) in return for a sudden abolishment of our mutual contract with immediate effect. I deeply regret this move of mine which I must admit that I had been contemplating for a while now, ever since you broke one of the clause in our agreement (Clause number 69) which clearly said "The female party involved will under no circumstances gain more weight, while the male party is fully authorized to do so". Apart from this serious breach in contract, there are many other reasons which are a factor, namely, a few other of your competitors offering me a much better and a cost effective deal. It seems to me that the offshore-onshore model does not seem to work as expected, and I'm looking forward to working with an outsourcing company that is located nearby. I would suggest that you do take some drastic measures if you are to continue with our corporate agreement and I hope you understand the serious shortcomings on your side.

Yours not so honestly,
Pappu Puneet (yes, that's what she calls me plain and simple, puneet)

I'll try to post the reply. Can't promise it though, blogger might not allow so many swear words.

Bow down Adam, to the awesome Madam Monday, March 8, 2010

My salute to all the women folk in the world. A very happy womens day (Does it have to sound like a birthday?). Well this could not have been a blog post but a simple facebook status like a few other of my friends. But the real motive behind many of those numerous status updates is to really sex up your profile and have a few ladies posting nice comments and 'liking' what you say. I of course am neither that shallow a person nor in that desperate need of female attention (I've learned to live without it). But I will admit this, that there is nothing more sexy than a woman in control. If evolution is not a myth, and all intelligent species slowly but surely outnumber their earlier primitive versions, then 'men' are indeed a dying breed. So clearly, I am all for women empowerment.

In fact, it's my dream to see Indian women on top.

No pun intended here :)

Phir dil do..... but kisko?? Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A crisis awaits Indian sports. I know what you are thinking,. am I nuts?? Sachin is scoring a double ton, India's on top of the rankings and Rajyavardhan singh Rathore has finally got an endorsement to pay off his debts. Indian sport in crisis?? But to my short sighted and naive friends, my doomsday predictions, as always, are backed on sound logic.

'Indian sports' is actually a misnomer in this entire rant. Please read 'Indian cricket' whenever you see 'Indian sports', because that is the truth. We are overjoyed by our cricketer's feats and mistake them for Indian sport's victories. What would happen if say... something awful happened to Indian cricket suddenly? If the nation's biggest sport superstar whom we idolize and call God turned out to be mere mortal? The thought might give quivers down your spine but my friends, what I'm about to show you, will twist you in ways you never imagined. No, I won't be disclosing a new recipe on cough syrups that might get you high. What I will be, will cause more damage What I have in my possession is an old sachin tendulkar pic which was taken when he was much younger. Please do not pass the pic around as it may send shock waves throughout the country and we may very well be seeing an end of Indian cricket as we know it. This may take with it our entire sporting culture as we have shamelessly been loyal in our affair with cricket, while we continue to check out our hot neighbors even after we're married. Talk about double standards! Anyways, here's the picture taken by a photographer called Chotu Photuvala whose name we have decided not to disclose due to obvious reasons. (oops! where the fuck is backspace... ehh never mind)

I know guys. I couldn't believe it myself. How could he! The epitome perfection, the greatest Indian ambassador, a probably Bharat ratna do this! To me personally its not the over the top celebration with two bottles of liquor, its the man's drinking capacity. I've heard tales of people gulping down entire bottles but two of them?? Hey wait a second.. I thinking I'm turning into his fan again for his drinking prowess. Never! I can't allow myself to do that. In a country where more than half of the population drinks below the poverty line (According to latest census, the poverty line has been defined as Royal stag or below) how could he be so ignorant of the prevalent social conditions and hold a bottle of Jack Daniels and Blue Label? Can you imagine how many lives were at stake in this match when the bottles were swaying all over in the air. Had any of the bottle slipped we might have seen India's first spectator death.

But on hindsight, I think it was us, we never let the man live like he wanted. At the age Sachin was when this was photographed, we were doing stuff which cannot be written/discussed/whispered anywhere. But of course, the damage has been done. With cricket gone, what sport shall we turn to? Hockey looked like a good contender but that was before we got thrashed by Australia yesterday. One thing is sure, we'll have to choose a sport which these freaking aussies do not play. And since we have the luxury to choose, we might as well find one which the USA or China doesn't play either, because they also kick some serious ass of their competitors. Another major factor that would have to go into the sport will be glamor. With the cheerleaders gone, we'll have to find an alternate. This is for people who don't understand the sport but instead of watching girls on television, one fine day decide to catch some live action and turn up in the stadium. I think I have just the right sport that meets all these conditions.

Phir dil do kabbadi ko

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The game I love :)