BlueTube Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Paulo Coelho once famously said this: 
When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it
Shahrukh khan said something similar as well in of his lame movies (Oops! There goes my already miniscule female readership). Hell I keep saying that to myself all the time, like yesterday when I was looking my colleague's IPhone with my usual covetous eyes, I said the exact same thing to myself. And just when the universe was about to conspire, I felt the strongest of all urges to pee. You might ask, how the hell did that happen? Ahh well you see, my belief  in universal conspiracies was indeed shaken for the few minutes I was in the loo, but when I had a look at my colleague's wallpaper on the phone, it was this.

So clearly, when you do want something, the universe does conspire. It's just that its not smart enough sometimes. So, regardless of this small setback, I still spent a few more days living with the same belief. This time I wanted something bigger. A huge favor in fact from this universe. A seat in the IIMs to be exact. I know I was kinda stretching it a wee bit too much, but hey, whats wrong in trying I said. So the hard worker that I am, I took an alternate approach to prepare. I thought, since I spend most of my time online, why not do the studying bit there as well? I can do my algebra with one hand, and be online on gtalk with the other, of course just in case there's a life threatening situation from which to save the world. So I started off with watching videos on you tube of past success stories. Some of the chicks were actually cute, and my mind wandered off the content they were actually speaking. You see, engineering has taught us one thing (if any). That when a college seat is up for grabs, and there are 5000 applicants for that one seat. In all probability, it will be a guy. In the rare cases it isn't, you still won't know because she may still look like a guy. So here I was watching the beautiful ladies talk about the immense workload they were under, all the stuff they knew and how they implement it in the sheets, how each day took so much out of them, how they felt before the big day, and that amazing feeling after everything ended. (See, now your thinking on my lines too. Clearly I'm not alone in this). And in one such videos I found this:

Now the really strange part is, if you watch closely, on the playlist on the right, the fourth link from the top. I am still wondering how one of the best algorithm from google (which owns youtube) came up "Dobara-Tum abhi" as a related video. Clearly all others are actually relevant.

The universe is indeed conspiring.

A bikini made of cement?? Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Advertisements are good. Advertisements make me want to buy stuff. And then there are some which make me do stuff. Stuff like trying to tear apart my head, split up my brains and try to understand what exactly are the Ad agencies trying to say. One such creative marvel I saw a few days back was trying to promote JK cements. A swimsuit clad, coy girl walks through the entire length of the Ad (which I really don't mind, she should have run if you ask me) and then the classic masterpiece (this Ad) comes to an abrupt end with the logo of JK cements in your face.

Here's the link on youtube for those who don't give a fuck for what I'm about write below, and just want go watch the hottie:  I ogle at under dressed women, take me to the link

The first time I watched it, I was pretty sure the Ad must have been a long one, with some sort of a story to it, but due to cost cuts, the JK cement guys decided to just show a clipped version of it later. This is actually a pretty normal thing that happens with ads. I was wrong. This was indeed the complete thing. Why the hell would a reputed company, who must have hired an equally reputed Ad firm go ahead and make this nonsensical (but equally sensual) ad? There had to be some sense behind the nonsense. I knew that God had chosen me to decrypt the greatest mysteries of all time.

The lack of data was driving me mad. I had an imaginary face for the Ad director in my mind who I felt he was laughing at me 24x7. That bastard had not given me anything to think on. I mean seriously, all you have in the Ad is a pretty girl, walks out of the beach, smiles and it ends. After a week of complete lack of sleep, overgrown beard and immense hygiene sacrifices, I cracked it.

After matching her facial features to my pretty exhaustive list of pictures of Indian women, I found her out. She goes by the name of 'Urmila Undress'. I know what you'r thinking of her name and would politely ask you to stop thinking ahead any further than you already have. The girl is not promoting obscenity by that surname. What she is, is giving me my next hint. Surely with a name like that, your ancestry would not be tough to Google. Google works best for people with strange names. A guy I know who goes by the rare name 'Dicwitington' tells people to search him on Google instead, when people ask him for his visiting card. Try Google-ing his name for confirmation. So, my search on Urmila disclosed the fact that she was a love child of 'Ursula Andress' (see the connection in the names?).

Ursula Andress is ofcourse best remembered for the famous James Bond scene (link). On watching the link, you'll agree that the similarities between the Ad the scene from Dr. NO were shocking. Now that I had established a connection, all that remained was a motive. What was this daughter of the ex-Bond girl trying to say? That's when I brought out my entire arsenal of mathematical formulas into play. Ursula Andress was born in 1936. My mathematical equations which are based on data collected from various bollywood magazines tell me that for a movie star to have an illegit love child, and still escape a media frenzy, it has got to happen before you enter the industry. Which gives our Urmilla Undress an approximate age of  45-50. To be able to look that way at that age is nothing but a miracle. A miracle that JK cement have been able to successfully engineer. You see for ages, silicon and botox have been the elements of choice for women, for various well known purposes. They do a pretty decent job at hiding your age, but only for some time. And here's where JK cements come. This Ad is nothing but a teaser to an upcoming announcement which will... hold your breath... LAUNCH CEMENT AS A BEAUTY PRODUCT in the market!! I know..!! Am I a genius or Am I a genius! Hah. take that JK cements! you could fool the world but not me. It was a pretty perplexing riddle until Urmila gave it away with her oh so perfect cement bonded figure, and that semi smile of her. Clearly, all the cement in her face did not allow the poor girl to smile fully.So the moral of the story, next time you comment on the cheap levels Ads have fallen to, remember, their intention might not always be to titillate the masses... but maybe... just maybe... to instigate the minds of the classes.

p.s: The idea for this post came from here

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