To B.E, or not to B.E Friday, August 13, 2010

The engineering course in any one of India's colleges has recently been included in the Times top 10 courses to do, to get into the top 10 military courses to do, to get into any of the world's leading terrorist organization. A look at our slogans and you'll know why. While the world's best colleges boast of pompous mottoes ranging from 'A Tradition of Excellence' to 'A Culture of Success', the engineering colleges at home have this as the unofficial, yet official saying. 'What the Fuck!'. Profound, would be an understatement. The saying is believed to have been first words which India's first engineer Mr. Mokshagundam Visvesvarayya  uttered in an intoxicated state on the day of his convocation. It is widely believed that Mr. Visvesvarayya (lets call him Mr. Vishi from now) was distraught over his percentile score of 99, in spite of  being the first and only student enrolled. Experts have explained this farcical test score by a single statement, "If your the first engineer, the ones teaching you definitely aren't". "What the fuck" has till date, remained the single most important legacy Mr. Vishi left us. It is also the the most widely uttered statement in engineering college campuses, (closely followed by "Proxy laga dio").  Mr. Vishi's iconic words echo across the nation on many occasions in the due course of an engineering degree. Some of which are:
  • As part of your 'first day in college' preparation, you suddenly realize that you'll be the apple of every girl's eye in college. This obnoxious lie is created in our minds largely due to crappy bollywood movies, in which we are forced to believe that even people with a face like Tushar kapoor  and Uday chopra find true love in college. Anyways, you splurge on branded jeans, branded tees, branded underwear, etc. As soon as you enter class and have a look around at your potential 'true loves', out comes Mr. Vishi's iconic words; WHAT THE FUCK!
  • You have read about teachers that change lives. Hold a class spellbound, and take students on an imaginary journey, and time stops when they teach. As soon as such expectations are met with an ordinary betel chewing, crotch scratching, breast staring uncouth moron, our bubbles go bust, and its really hard not to yell out, WHAT THE FUCK! The only spellbinding journey most of our professors take is either to the loo, or in the corridor to spit.
  • What the fuck, is also a common sound on the day results are announced, as either people over achieve, or in the usual cases (almost always) under achieve.
  • You finally meet and start liking that girl who originally you hated (see point 1 above). You take her out to places which some days back you prayed to be able to afford in at least 10 years. You spend on her the money which was originally meant for your tuition classes. You become you mobile operator's most privileged subscriber, and have a personal call center employee that attends only you. As months go by, you suddenly discover prettier girls on the planet. One of these prettier girl hints at liking you. you calculate the most feared mathematical equation in the world:
    X + Y = HOLY CRAP!!
    where:
    • X= Amount spent on current love interest
    • Y= Amount to be spent on the future (and hotter) love interest.
    Seriously, What the FUCK!
  • Just when you thought when you would take the software industry by storm (this is after you land one of the millions of low paying Indian IT jobs), A bomb explodes. The lame guy who you helped pass in his exams, the same guy who asked out 13 girls of the class (even though your class only had 10) and got bitch-slapped by all of them, cracks the MBA entrance and secures a million dollar paycheck in a few years. On hearing this news, you tear apart your peanuts paying offer letter, look up at the sky, and offer to the almighty the world's shortest 3 letter prayer, WHAT THE FUCK!!
So Mr. Vishi was clearly a visionary. He foresaw things that didn't even exist at his time. His famous three words will echo for as long as eternity, and continue to guide fellow sufferers in the most toughest 4 years of their lives. Years, which will teach them, that there can exist a sentence beginning with 'What' which doesn't need to be a question. It can also be, a way of life.

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